Back on the beach, Dumbass Claus concludes with telling the kids how they should never give up on hope. This is such a giant load of BULLSHIT! Neither story has ANYTHING to do with the situation he’s in! Both were just shitty films made by a shitty filmmaker, that were then inserted into this piece of shit to make it feature length! Santa continues to bitch and moan about his situation, when all the kids suddenly run off. You’d think they would just be leaving his stupid ass there to rot, but no! They bring back a true horror!
Suddenly, we hear the distant noise of a siren (not even Silent Hill would let these things into its town!), and the driver is none other than our titular Ice Cream Bunny! It’s about time he showed up in the movie that gives him a second billing in the title! It’s also the last 10 minutes or so of the movie. This has to be one the most dishonest titles I’ve ever seen in my life! Hell, Santa is barely in this atrocity, but he’s at least here at the beginning and the end of it. He’s driving through some of the grimy looking park that’s apparently near this beach. The kids are on the truck with him (there’s no way the guy in the costume can see where he’s going), and they reprise Santa’s awful song from the beginning of the movie (which feels like it happened decades ago).
The narrator and Santa act like it’s obvious who this fucking bunny is, but I doubt any of the kids appearing in this were familiar with this cracked out looking hare! Nothing about him says ice cream, if anything he looks like a creepy ass Easter Bunny you see at a mall. A bunny that’s taken tons of meth (they are in Florida). More evidence that the guy in the costume can’t see is how he clearly feels around for something, mostly grabbing air. Santa drives off with the Ice Cream Bunny (I’m pretty sure you can’t drive to the North Pole, but if we’re lucky they’ll drown along the way). We get another shot of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn looking on. As if they had anything to do with anything going on (although they have more screen time than the supposed secondary character)!
The kids then watch his sled vanish. This whole time Santa was concerned with leaving his sled behind, and it could just teleport back this whole time!? Fuck you, Santa! And fuck you, movie! I seriously doubt/hope this was ever seen in theaters by many people, and most likely didn’t get viewed by many if it ever got any sort of home video release. The only reason I know of its existence is thanks to the amazing folks over at RiffTrax, who have both a VOD version (with Thumbelina) and their Live version (with Jack and the Beanstalk, plus some shorts before the show like usual). Either version is among a favorite of mine, because of how they tear into this awful thing.
No, I’ve never watched it unriffed, but I don’t have to in order to tell that this is a terrible movie. This, to me, is the absolute worst movie ever made! Yes, worse than Manos, Troll 2, The Room, anything by Uwe Boll, the two headed fuckwit that is SeltzerBerg, or any number of others that pop up on lists! Anyone that puts Howard the Duck on a “worst of” list has never seen this! I doubt my mind will change on this anytime soon.
I’ve seen better sets in stage plays. I’ve helped build sets for stage plays that look better than this! Needless to say, the costumes and effects are also total ass! Everything visually hideous, there’s no attempt to make any scene interesting to look at, because I’m guessing the filmmakers didn’t think they needed to try; which is why I hate this movie so much! They have zero respect for their target audience! They assume that kids are stupid and will be entertained by anything you put them in front of to watch!
If you’re going to watch this piece of shit, make sure it’s one of the RiffTrax versions.
If you like this review and my others then subscribe, like, and share the links! Also check out my other links! Thanks for reading! ^__^
I Review Stuff 